


Siriuslydoubtful's Wolfstar Drabbles

by poetsandzombies



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 13:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 5,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18852325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetsandzombies/pseuds/poetsandzombies
Summary: By request, I'm putting all the wolfstar drabbles I've posted on my tumblr here! Hope y'all don't mind that I separated them by chapter, rather than making a new work for each one!





	1. Hogwarts Library, 5th year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a couple hundred words of the boys in the library, talking about dating. (Tumblr Link)

Nothing but the sound of quills scratching against parchment and the soft flap of turning pages filled the corner of the library where the four boys sat hunched over their homework. Twenty minutes passed before any of them spoke; it was a record.

“Mate,” it was James, gently kicking Remus’ shin under the table to get his attention. Remus looked up from his work with a raised eyebrow. “Been thinking about it and I was wondering. Why haven’t you dated anyone?”

Remus coughed in surprise, taken aback by the sudden question.

“I’m sorry?” He asked.

“Well, you know. Sirius and I… even Pete, a couple times, we’ve all been out with people. I just realized you’ve never asked anyone out before. How come?”

Next to James, Peter perked up at the sound of the question, looking at Remus curiously. Sirius, however, continued writing. Remus set his quill down slowly and pressed his lips together in thought.

“My scars,” he lied after a moment, gesturing vaguely at his own face. The truth lied a little deeper than that; it was more like something about the venom that bubbled just beneath those scars. It was becoming more of a source of agitation as he got older, and they were his best friends, but he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Aw, Rem,” James said, “scars are wicked, though.”

“I bet girls fancy them,” Peter chimed in with a hopeful expression. Remus smiled in response, but didn’t say anything. The other two seemed to get the hint and let the subject drop.

Sirius didn’t look up from his work for another half hour. James and Peter had since turned in for the night, leaving the other two sitting shoulder to shoulder in the nearly empty library. Remus could see Sirius shift his body to look at him out of the corner of his eye and took a moment to finish the sentence he was writing before returning the gaze.

“What?” He asked, mouth quirking up as Sirius continued to watch him. Sirius reached out tentatively and brushed Remus’ hair across his forehead with his thumb. Remus froze, the unexpected touch making his chest flutter. Sirius’ fingers moved down his face, feather-light touches tracing the scars across his nose and cheek. Remus’ heart was pounding in his throat.

“I think they’re pretty,” Sirius said quietly. He smiled at Remus’ bewildered expression and turned back to his paper.


	2. Coming Out Stories: Sirius to James

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius coming out to James (the wolfstar is only implied here) (Tumblr Link)

Sirius lingered reluctantly in the doorway of James’ bedroom, watching the boy hunch over his desk and scribble furiously on parchment paper. To enter, to tread on the memories he’d made here over the years… Sirius closed his eyes and begged the thought to leave him.

“Coming in?” James asked, not looking up from his work. 

_Right_. Sirius stepped over the threshold cautiously and held his breath. Nothing happened; the walls did not fall in on themselves, the floors did not open up and swallow them both. He exhaled. Unsure if he could make it all the way to James’ desk, he settled for the side of his bed, shoving his shaking hands in his jacket and letting himself fall back on it. He listened to James work quietly for a few moments.

“We’ve always shared everything with each other,” the words pushed themselves from Sirius’ unwilling lips and hung forebodingly in the air. The scratch of quill on parchment stopped; Sirius could hear the creaking of a chair and imagined James shifting in his seat to look at him. 

“We have,” James agreed, slow and careful. 

“But there’s this thing,” Sirius continued, swallowing in an attempt to keep his breathing in check, “this thing I never told you. About me." 

The skip trowel made faces in the ceiling and Sirius watched the way they swirled amongst each other, unable to tell whether it was magic or his own dizziness. The bed dipped as James laid back on the side opposite to Sirius so that their heads met in the middle.

"You don’t have to talk about your family,” James said softly. Sirius shook his head.

“It’s not about them,” he said. James turned to look at him. Sirius studied his expression, attentively taking in the concern etched in his forehead, and relaxed. James had changed so much in the last couple of years, had grown up and matured; they both had. Even a year ago, James would have listened, but he wouldn’t have given Sirius the attention and sincerity that he needed from him now. Sirius pushed on. 

“I like boys,” he heard himself say. There it was; the Capital G-Word he could not bring himself to say, spelled out in a combination of words he’d never used. They felt strange on his tongue, not bad, but unbearably true. He wondered what James would do with them.

“Oh,” it was a near-inaudible  _oh_  that stretched like taffy into a long, quiet breath and dissolved into thin air. Sirius waited, the pulse in his wrists throbbing, but James didn’t say anything else.

“Did you know?” Sirius asked to fill the air, a nagging worry in the back of his mind telling him he’d just heard the last words James would ever say to him. James pressed his lips together in thought, looked like he was about to say something, but changed his mind.

“S'pose not,” he answered after a moment, and then went back to thinking. 

“I’ve never told anyone before,” Sirius whispered, one part an apology for not telling James earlier and, two parts a desperate attempt to let him know his silence was driving him mad.

James hesitated in the way that Sirius understood he wasn’t trying to figure out what to say, but how to say it. Eventually, he reached over and placed a hand delicately to Sirius’ cheek. 

“You’re my brother, Sirius,” he said, and Sirius could hear how much it pained him to know Sirius might doubt otherwise. “I love you. You know that?" 

Sirius knew, had known that James would give him nothing but support, but hearing it was something else. He let out a deep, shuddering breath of relief and smiled. 

-

"Are you going to tell the others?” James asked. Sirius thought of the rest of their friends. He lingered on Remus–on his gentle nudges and the late study nights he’d coax Sirius into well after the others had gone to bed. His heart fluttered.

“I’m not ready for that yet,” he said. James nodded.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” He offered.   
  
Sirius let out a breath. This was a part of himself he’d been wanting to share with James for the better part of their friendship and with that, he wanted to tell him everything. But at the same, there were certain things he didn’t think he quite  _could_ tell him. Like how he loved this part of himself—the way it swelled in his chest, the way it rattled in his bones. He wasn’t sure James would understand these things.

“I will at some point,” he decided finally. James smiled, warm and bright like he was eager to listen. 


	3. Secret Dating: Post Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tries to set Remus up on a date. (Tumblr Link)

“By the way, Remus, I told that Corner girl I work with that you’d go out with her this weekend.”

Three months. It’d been  _three months_  since James had seen Sirius so carelessly tug Remus into his room at 3 am, not missing the way he locked the door behind them, and hadn’t said anything.

He didn’t plan to. He understood how delicate the dynamic of their friend group was and the pressure that it could put on a new relationship developing within it. What Sirius and Remus needed was space. James wanted them to tell him on their own terms.

But now Peter was going to ruin all of that.

“I’m sorry?” Remus asked, pausing his spreading of jam on toast to look across the kitchen table at Peter. James watched Sirius out of the corner of his eye; he seemed to be recovering from a bite of food going down the wrong pipe. Peter didn’t notice, eyes fixated on his plate of eggs.

“Yeah, I figured you could take her out for coffee,” he continued. James could see Remus’ brain working in overdrive — always the worst liar of the four of them—and took pity on him.

“Sorry, Pete,” he said, setting his glass of water down, “I hear he likes his coffee black these days.”

Next to him, Sirius choked on his drink. Peter finally looked up from his breakfast to raise an eyebrow at James.

“So he can order a black coffee?”

“They don’t offer black coffee.”

“They don’t offer black coffee.” Peter echoed flatly.

“Nope.”

“I didn’t even specify a coffee place.”

“None of them,” James tried desperately, “none of the places offer it." 

Peter looked suspiciously at Remus, who shrugged. 

"It’s a special kind of black,” Remus mumbled. James fought down a snort, but couldn’t help smiling. 

“Is black coffee a euphemism for gay or something?” Peter finally asked. James surrendered.

“Or something,” he said.  

“Fine, don’t tell me,” Peter replied, giving up. James visibly relaxed and Sirius started eating again. 

“Peter,” Remus said gently when the table had settled back down into the morning. “Why are you trying to set me up with your coworkers?”

Peter fidgeted uncomfortably.

“Well, I mean,” he said after a moment, “I’ve been dating a bit lately. James has Lily. Sirius has  _clearly_ been shagging someone he doesn’t want us to know abo- mate, are you good? Because this is the third time you’ve spit out your breakfast this morning and you don’t normally seem to have a problem swallowing from what I can hear-”

“ _Peter_ ,” James whined as he slapped Sirius on the back. 

“You don’t have to share a wall with him, James. Anyways. I was just worrying about you is all. Wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Are you? Doing okay, I mean."  

James looked curiously at Remus. 

"Yeah,” Remus said softly, glancing over at Sirius, who turned back to his plate with a smile. “I’ve got my coffee. I’m good." 


	4. Getting Together - Post Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius can't shut up. (Tumblr Link)

“I’ve wanted this for- god, for 10 years,” it’s the last thing Remus can bring himself to say as the door to the bedroom clicks shut and he can finally touch Sirius without the threat of roommates walking in. 

He does exactly that, pushing Sirius gently against the wall and mouthing at his neck. Sirius’ previously eager hands stills on Remus’ hips.

“T-… that’s hot, Remus. God, you’re so hot,” he groans. Remus  _mhm_ s into his collar bone, trembling fingers trying and failing to undo the top button of Sirius’ shirt without his help. 

“Like…  _so_ hot,” Sirius continues as Remus finally manages to get the button undone moves on to the second one. Sirius’ hands remain firm and unmoving on Remus’ hips. 

“You know, its kind of unbelievable, actually,” he says. Remus furrows his eyebrows as his kisses dip lower; Sirius sounds distant now–lost in thought. 

“Is it a family thing? Is it in your genes? Maybe it’s like a  _werewolf_ thing? It does feel very supernatural. I mean, a week before the full moon-”

“ _Sirius_ ,” Remus huffs out a laugh in exasperation, breaking his kisses to press his forehead to the other man’s.

“Hm?”

“ _10 years.”_  

“Right,” Sirius says in understanding, moving in to kiss him as his hands finally snap into action.


	5. Tell Me I'm Pretty - Post Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is packing to go out of town. (Tumblr Link)

“You can’t go out of town.”

“It’s only for the weekend.”

“Who will tell me how pretty I am?" 

Remus shoves the last article of clothing he can manage into his bursting, threadbare duffel bag and looks up. Sirius is watching him from his crisscrossed position on the bed, an expression on his face Remus knows well from their days in school. His mind flashes back to the number of detentions it had ended up costing him and he turns back to his luggage quickly.

"I think James tells you enough for the both of us,” he huffs as he tugs at the zipper of the bag. It resists momentarily, but Remus finally manages to zip it shut. 

“I like how it sounds when you say it,” Sirius says. It’s soft, like he knows exactly what it does to Remus, and Remus closes his eyes, wishing he didn’t. 

“Sirius,” he says, making his way over to the bed. Sirius tilts his head up to look at him, grinning. Remus pauses, fingers itching to touch his face. He shoves them in his jacket pockets instead. “You know you’re too pretty for your own good." 

Sirius reaches out, fiddling absently with the buttons on Remus’ shirt like its a thing friends do. 

“It’s nice to be reminded sometimes.” 


	6. Babysitting Harry - Post Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Tumblr Link)

Sirius shifted uncomfortably as he watched James pull Harry out of Remus’ arms and wave goodbye before disapparating, a new routine to their Saturday evenings. Sirius held tight to the few seconds it took for the front door to be shut before Remus turned on him, eyes alight with a sort of fury he had only gotten used to seeing in the years since Harry was born.

“Your  _motorcycle,_ Sirius?” He said incredulously, voice low like they still had company. “You took our 3-year-old son out on your  _motorcycle_?” 

The apology on Sirius’ face contorted into something confused–something hopeful–something happy. 

“Do you know what would happen if James found out? We would never see that boy again,” Remus went on, but Sirius wasn’t listening. 

“You,” he started faintly, fighting the tug he felt at the ends of his lips. “You called Harry our son.”

Remus paused, brows furrowed. 

“I did not,” he argued, flustered. “Well, I didn’t  _mean_ to-” 

“Do you want to have kids with me, Moony?” Sirius teased, allowing a grin to spread across his face. He watched Remus’ cheeks pink and smiled even wider.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sirius,” Remus said after a moment of silence, “of course I do.” 

“Reemuus,” Sirius said, stretching each vowel. He took each of Remus’ hands in his own and brought them to his lips. Remus rolled his eyes. “I want to have kids with you too.” 


	7. How Do I Look - Post Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius' outfit turns Remus on a little bit. (Tumblr Link)

“So how do I look?” 

Remus turns to see Sirius stepping languidly down the stairs of his apartment complex. His eyes wander from the worn, cropped band t-shirt barely reaching Sirius’ navel down to the tight, threadbare jeans ripped dangerously high on his thighs. He swallows. 

“Deplorable,” he says, mouth dry. “Like your mother was right to disown you.”

Sirius grins.

“Perfect,” he says, reaching out to adjust Remus’ tie. Soft, attentive fingers touch delicately at Remus’ neck and he closes his eyes, letting out a long breath.

“How, um,” he starts, licking his lips, “how much time do we have?”

Sirius leans away from Remus just enough to check his watch.

“We are fifteen minutes late, actually.” 

“Am I staying over afterwards?” Remus tries hopefully.  Sirius’ smile widens as he lifts his hand up to Remus’ face, brushing a thumb across his cheek.

“Keep looking at me like that and you may not have a choice.”


	8. Losing Remus - War Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit longer than a drabble. Remus is missing. (Tumblr Link)

They were tired of hearing it: “the dark times.” What underwhelming words to describe the way they’d all been yanked from the comfort of day-to-day routines and thrust into a war. What a strange way to define the black and white filter slotted over the film of their carefully constructed lives, wreaking havoc on their promised futures.

But as James watched Sirius from across the table, he could think of no other words. A handful of members of the Order still lingered in hallways and shuffled out the door, but all he could see was the flickering beginnings of film catching fire in Sirius’ eyes.

Ten minutes had passed since the announcement of Remus’ official status as “missing.” Five since the tail-end of Sirius’ outburst; they were not going to pursue a rescue mission. The Order was low in numbers and priorities lied elsewhere. Nobody said the truth; that these were “the dark times,” where people who went missing didn’t tend to turn up alive.

“We can’t show bias,” James whispered to Sirius as the room cleared out. “We’d be out of the Order in a heartbeat. Then where would we be?”

Sirius’ previously enraged facial expression has sunken into something sullen. Something dying.

“You don’t understand,” he said, voice hollow.

“ _I know_ ,” James replied, low and desperate. “I know you love him.”

He couldn’t tell if Sirius was surprised to hear this or not. A few moments passed before Sirius reached into his dirty, tattered shirt and pulled a necklace over his head, letting it dangle between the two of them and fall onto the table with a clatter. Looped around the end of the tiny chain was a silver band. 

James stared for a long time before reaching out for it hesitantly, tears stinging his eyes. He turned the ring around in his calloused fingers, tilting it at an angle to see the words engraved on the inside:  _you bury me_. He set it back down gently, feeling invasive.

“You married him,” he said flatly as Sirius picked up the ring and looked at it, brows furrowed. “He didn’t…you never-”

“We didn’t tell anyone,” Sirius said. “We weren’t going to. Until after.”

His hand closed tight around the ring and he hung his head miserably.

“James,” he croaked, jaw hanging open as he tried to gain control over the quiver in his lips, “there is  _no other_  person for me.”

There was a finality in that sentence that shook James to his core, telling him he wasn’t just about to lose one of his best friends, but both of them.

“Okay,” he said weakly, wiping his nose on his shirtsleeve. “We will find him, Sirius, okay? You and me.”

_We will find him_. He whispered it to Sirius. To himself. To no one. 

* * *

 

In the end, it took everything.

Four weeks, two days, a broken wand. James and Sirius could hardly look at each other, the stress of what was at risk tugging at threads in their friendship they’d never touched before. James was exhausted–overtly aware of every poorly mended limb and taking strenuous efforts to push through despite his bruised and beaten body begging him for rest.

But as they stood in front of an isolated shack in the woods, surrounded by the bodies of death eaters, only an inkling of a chance–a rumor, really– that Remus was inside, James thought it was worth it.

He headed straight for the door, but Sirius grabbed his wrist, holding him back. James stilled, noting the tremor in his grasp, and turned to face him.

"If he’s not-” Sirius started.

“Don’t. Don’t do this to yourself,” James said, voice strained with the effort of keeping himself intact for Sirius. They had always worked so well together, like a single unit, but now Sirius leaned on James. It was a dynamic he wasn’t used to.

To his relief, Sirius nodded. Shaking off his own nerves, he pushed on, opening the door with the tips of his fingers and looking at Sirius one last time before going in.

It was funny, how the thing James had been fighting for over the last month–the thing he bled for, the thing he almost died for–could be right in front of his face and he not even register it. He felt himself get shoved lightly to the side as Sirius pushed past him through the shadowy room and straight into Remus Lupin’s arms. He wasn’t tied up or locked away; he had been standing–staggering, really–as if he’d been waiting for them.

James watched as Sirius delicately examined the length of Remus’ body before cradling his face in his hands and kissing him. They seemed to collapse into each other. It was an unfamiliar scene, their intimacy, but one James felt inevitable. And natural.

He gave them space for as long as he could stand it before the bones in his body urged him forward and he stumbled into the room after them.

“James?” Remus asked, his grip on Sirius loosening as he caught sight of him. James forced a smile.

“Hi, Moony,” he said shakily, reaching out and brushing a hand through his hair as Sirius kept a tight, protective hold on him. Remus returned the smile, but it wasn’t quite right.

“Remus, what happened here?” Sirius asked softly. He wasn’t looking at his surroundings, but at the man he held. He’d noticed it, too. The look in Remus’ eyes, the way he shook… something had changed. Remus’ face fell at the question and he took Sirius’ hands in his own, fingers caked with dirt and blood.

“You told me to do whatever I needed to do to survive for you,” he said, searching Sirius’ face desperately. “I did.”

It was a whisper. James looked at Sirius, stomach churning at his words. Something dreadful, something distant and not his own, made him feel that maybe that had been too much for Sirius to ask of Remus.

He pushed the thought away immediately. What was to be done about it now? And where would they be otherwise? Sirius was kissing every inch of Remus’ face and James relaxed.  _It could be no other way._

“Let’s go home,” he said.


	9. Sex Dreams - Post Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus are new roommates. (Tumblr Link)

“Oi, Sirius! Roommates still have to knock.” Remus is sitting bolt upright in his bed as though the commotion of Sirius struggling to get his door open moments earlier had startled him awake.

“You were calling for me, I thought you were having a nightmare,” Sirius says calmly, approaching the bed. He watches Remus shift beneath the covers, noting the way he moves the blankets so that they hover over him, and pauses.

“Wait,” he starts, getting up on the foot of the bed and sitting back on his knees, “you didn’t have a sex dream about me, did you?”

Remus scowls.

“I don’t remember what I-” but he cuts himself short, eyes widening. A blush blooms beneath the freckles across his cheeks and he looks horrified.

“You  _did_ ,” Sirius says in awe, grinning.

“Oh god.” Remus groans, burying his face in his hands.

“It was bound to happen to one of us eventually. I always figured it’d be me, but. You know.” Sirius scoots himself closer to Remus and pats his thigh companionably. Remus closes his eyes, stiffening at the touch.

“Get out.” He says, more in frustration than in anger.

“Fine,” Sirius complies, rolling off the bed and heading towards the door. “I’ll be in the shower if you want help with that… monster under the covers.”

He ducks at a pillow Remus sends flying straight at his head.

“That was horrible,” Remus calls after him. “That’s not even where monsters hide!”


	10. Confessions - Post Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus comes out to Sirius. (Tumblr Link )

“Sirius, this is important.”

“I’m  _listening_ ,” Sirius assured with a laugh as he unwrapped the scarf around Remus’ neck and hung it on the coat rack by the door. Remus watched him carefully–his quirked eyebrow, the amused smile on his lips–and let out a deep breath.

“Okay,” he said. “Actually, can we sit down?”

Sirius gestured for him to lead the way, so Remus made his way over to the kitchen table and nearly collapsed into a chair. Sirius followed, delicately sitting across from him. He looked at Remus curiously, tilting his head as Remus sorted through his thoughts. He’d been trying to talk to Sirius all day and Sirius had unwittingly dragged him around town, keeping him too anxious to actually start the conversation. Now he waited with an unnerving level of patience and Remus didn’t even know how to start.

“My, um.” He pressed his lips together. “My experiences with dating haven’t been… excessive. Or thorough.”

Sirius sat back in a bit, clearly not expecting this to be the subject of their conversation. Remus went on.

“I figure I can see myself with women, you know.” He paused, running a hand through his hair, and continued. “But I can see myself with men, too.”

He stared down at his fidgeting fingers on the table as he spoke, but could see the blurred image of Sirius shift in his seat just above them.

“Remus, you know I-”

“I know,” Remus held up a hand and Sirius fell silent. They both did. For a while, there was nothing but the sound of wind passing through the house, the clinking of Remus’ fingernails brushing anxiously against each other, before he finally spoke again.

“I see myself with you, sometimes,” he said quietly, furrowing his brows as he noticed just how ugly the ridges on his knuckles were. “In the mornings. The way we move around each other without bumping and you leave just as much coffee on the pot as I’ll drink. We’ve always sort of… fit together. Like pieces? The transition from four to two when James and Peter leave feels so natural to me, like breathing.” 

He cleared his throat, not looking up.

“And coming home to you is something I can’t see myself moving on from.”

The crooked jumble of words suspended in midair. A minute passed. Tentative fingers laced through Remus’.

“If you want to renew our lease, you can just tell me,” Sirius said, but brought Remus’s hand up to his lips and kissed it before Remus could kick him.  


	11. Pining - Hogwarts Era

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( Tumblr Link )

Sirius watched Remus walk all the way out of the common room before turning back to James with a pout. James looked from the spot Remus had just disappeared from to Sirius, realization dawning on him.

“ _No_ ,” he said firmly, holding up a finger in warning. Sirius looked at him pleadingly.

“But he’s  _so_ -”

“Absolutely not,” James said.

“James, it’s  _Remus_ ,” Sirius whined.

“Sirius. It’s  _ **Remus**_.”

Sirius groaned, sinking back in his seat and folding his arms childishly. James took that as begrudging acceptance and picked up his quill, turning back to his homework. But the relief only lasted five minutes before Sirius spoke up again.

“I’m think I’m going to ask him out,” he said. James tilted his head up to the ceiling and closed his eyes.

“You’re tearing our group apart,” He said dramatically, but Sirius didn’t seem to be listening.

“Oh my god,” James continued as he watched Sirius doodle hearts on his parchment, his future flashing before his eyes, “I will have no best man at my wedding.”


	12. Getting Caught - Post Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Tumblr Link)

Mornings were made up of coffee rings on newspapers and a moment’s quiet James did not get at any other point in the day, so the rattling of Remus’ doorknob at 6 am startled him. Gently setting down his paper and sitting up from his relaxed position on the couch, he watched the door with an edge of anxiety, worried something might be wrong.

It opened after a couple seconds of clear struggling and Remus stumbled out in boxers and a half-buttoned up shirt. James eyed him curiously—from the disheveled hair and relaxed smile to the purple markings trailing down his neck to his chest—and raised an eyebrow. Remus’ eyes met James’ and he froze in alarm. He bit down on his lip, but couldn’t seem to stop smiling.

“You should see the other guy,” he said, voice deliriously cheery.

Before James could respond, an equally debauched Sirius came out after Remus, grabbing him by the wrist and “ _shhh_ "ing him with a laugh before he too caught sight of James and stilled. James looked between the two men, blinking.

"I think we might have been caught, Moony,” Sirius said gently. Remus nodded sullenly. James could think of nothing to say.

“Good morning?”


	13. Newspapers and Coffee - Post Azkaban

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A more abstract piece about Sirius and Remus' relationship during OOTP (Tumblr Link.)

Mornings are good. Two cups of coffee, two dated newspapers. Two places at the kitchen table of Sirius’ childhood home.

But night comes, and it’s a little different. One cluttered bedroom, one crooked, unmade bed they both fall into.

“Who are we?” Sirius murmurs into the palm Remus’ hand when night comes.

“We are two friends who lost two friends, grieving in the only way we know how.”

And the night goes on without a word, but intimacy ties one man intricately to the other.

The push and pull of time has never been kind to them, but months pass like this without interruption. Two cups of coffee undrunk. Two newspapers unread.

“Who are we?”

Two old friends, two grieving men. Lovers? Eleven-year-old boys trapped in a future that couldn’t be there’s. These words linger on until morning, are traced into the bedsheets, into Sirius’ palm at the kitchen table.

But time has never been kind to them.

One cup of coffee. One newspaper dated June 19th, 1996. 48 hours of no sleep.

“Who are we?”

Something flickers in Remus’ reflection in the mirror, but no response comes.


	14. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - Post Azkaban

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has trouble remembering sometimes. (Tumblr Link)

The lull of music rises like a deep breath, filling the grim room with something feather-light and tender. Sirius peeks out from under the arm slung over his face to see Remus hovering over him, offering him a hand.

“December. 1977,” he says. Sirius frowns, sitting up on the couch.

“I don’t remember,” he says apologetically, but slips his hand into Remus’ anyway, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. He listens to the melody—a slow and steady rhythm that soothes his throbbing head—but it’s not familiar. Nothing is these days, but the memories aren’t gone; they’re only lost among a sea of murkier, incessant ones.

With a gentle wave of his wand, Remus dims the wall lights to nothing and fills the room with a dozen small, twinkling orbs that dance around them like fireflies. The glow is soft, diminishing the sight of dust beneath their bare feet or the place where Sirius’ mother disowned him.

Remus laces his fingers through Sirius’ and wraps his other arm around his waist, pulling him close. Sirius smiles, relaxing into the touch as Remus begins to move. They don’t dance, exactly, but sway, holding onto each other, the creak of the floorboards muffled by the music.

“The Yule Ball,” Sirius says after a couple moments, images resurfacing: The Great Hall lit like a Christmas tree and those godawful dress robes. It had been the first time Sirius had danced with anyone, and it had been with Remus. Remus  _mm_ s into Sirius’ shoulder, but doesn’t say anything else.

“Lily had looked…” Sirius starts, but the memory goes on too long and he can’t finish.

“I know,” Remus whispers, squeezing his hand.

“And James…”

“I know.”

The music fades in and out of existence as they rock back and forth. Sirius holds onto Remus a little tighter and, safe from guilt in the other man’s arms, remembers his friends.


End file.
